As writers we all know the struggle of editing and revision once the first draft is completed. I am continuing to ‘polish’ my western romance, Willow Tree Tears. Today’s excerpt centers around my protagonist, Madison. She is thrilled about seeing the delicious Italian again but also discovers something is wrong with her father. I would welcome comments regarding how this excerpt relates her relationships and if it gives you an idea of her personality.
Madison’s excitement kept her awake. Today, Lucio would be revisiting. She admonished herself, trying to sleep. You will look absolutely awful tomorrow with great big bags under my eyes and sallow skin. Fall asleep, damn it. Eventually, she gave in and took half a sleeping tablet fearing a whole one would have her sleep in. The crash of a pan downstairs frightened her awake at seven o’clock. Was that Pops? She hurriedly grabbed her rope and ran down the stairs into the kitchen. She found her father scooping scrambled eggs off the mat and swearing under his breath.
“Frightened me half to death, Pops. What happened?”
“Damn thing slipped right out of my hand. Darndest thing.”
“Sit down, I’ll clean up the rest, Pops, if there’s anything to clear up Bandit seems to have managed most of it. Are you sure you are okay?”
“No need to fuss, girl. It just slipped.”
Madison bent down to mop up the grease off the tiles. From the corner of her eye she could see her father rub his left arm and then smack it as if it were numb. He’s keeping something from me. Maybe Doc wasn’t out this way for someone else the day I passed him on the road.
With the floor clean, Madison made a new batch of scrambled eggs while her father began to make a pot of coffee. Bandit slumped down under the kitchen table satisfied with his early morning treat but kept one eye on Madison just in case there was another spill.
“Pops, how about using only two scoops this morning?”
“It’ll have no taste, girl.”
“It certainly will, Pops, and my heart won’t be racing afterwards and neither will yours.”
Her father didn’t argue. There is something wrong. He would have fought for the usual four scoops any other time. I’m going to talk to Doc the first chance I get, patient confidentially or not. I need to know what’s going on. Breakfast was served and eaten almost in silence apart from the scraping of cutlery on plates, as father and daughter were lost in their own thoughts. Madison carefully watched her father ascend the stairs. He’s leaning to his left and favoring his right arm, I hadn’t noticed until now.
On her way to her room, Madison peered into her father’s room. He was sitting on the bed rubbing his arm again. Does it hurt? Should I say something? I’ll talk to Doc first then I’ll know what I need to do. In the meantime I need to take more notice of what he’s doing.
Copyright 2015 – Mandy Eve-Barnett – Willow Tree Tears.